Firsts

Before I became a parent, my biggest fear was missing a "first" with my child. You know, first smile, first laugh, first baby food, first wave, first word, first step, the list goes on and on.

As a working mother, I even went as far as to inform Annika's first caregivers not to tell me if she crawled or picked up a toy, unless I told them about it first.

Last weekend, I had the opportunity to join Geoff in Puerto Rico for a few days. He was there for two weeks mapping the island for work.

While I looked forward to relaxing with my husband on the beaches of San Juan, I worried about leaving my precious Butterbean for more than 24 hours. Though I knew she was in great hands with my parents, aka Nanny and Pop, leaving her was tough.

I called a few times a day, spoke with her on the phone, asked lots of questions, and missed her like crazy. However, I really enjoyed my days with Geoff in a place I had never visited before.
Upon my return, I learned that Annika said her first sentence while I was gone. "That's my daddy," she said as she pointed to a picture of Geoff and me. When my mother told me this, I have to admit that a small pang of jealousy shot through me, but only for a second.
After that brief moment, I realized how incredible it is that my mom got to witness this event. In fact, she also was present when Annika said her first word and her first steps.
I've never asked my mother if she was present for all of my firsts, and as a mother who worked full time, I bet she missed a few.

Frankly, it doesn't matter.

The day to day small moments are what truly make up my relationship with Annika, just like they have built a trusting relationship with my mother.
I'm not going to feel guilty for having a career that I love, time to myself when I run, or date nights or weekends away with my husband.


What matters most is that when I'm with Annika, I give her my love, affection, and attention.

All the rest, as they say, comes out in the wash.

And, by the way, I was by her side when she couldn't decide which was more important-eating or sleeping.